Madam Kartar Kaur

Faithful Sewa with Heart

At 70, when most seniors are happily retired and settling into a slower pace of life, Madam Kartar Kaur’s weekly diary is filled with scheduled visits to lonely seniors across the island.

She visits 30 seniors residing in different senior care homes, and another 13 who live in their own homes, mostly alone.

The mother of two and grandmother of four clearly revels in the role of an angel, visiting these ‘lonely souls’ who crave interaction and conversation with someone from a similar cultural-linguistic background.

Upon switching to a quiet life after retiring in 2010, the former bank staff had been happily volunteering daily with Silat Road Gurdwara preparing langgar in the kitchen. A volunteer with SIWEC who saw Madam Kartar’s passion for sewa told her about a job opening at SIWEC, to befriend seniors in senior-care homes.

They met manager Ranjit Singh, where Madam Kartar filled an application form to join SIWEC as a volunteer with the Seniors Befriending Programme.

In 2013, SIWEC suggested she work part-time to visit on a more regular and structured basis, in order to better support the growing group of lonely seniors.

Befriending Seniors

After 3 years serving part-time, Madam Kartar agreed to join SIWEC full-time in 2017 so that she could do even more. "I felt a deep sense of satisfaction when I saw that my presence made a difference in people’s lives. It brought a smile to their faces, just by spending time and checking in on them occasionally. They look forward to seeing me at every visit."

Her positive disposition to serving others has reinforced her belief that she can make a difference in people's lives well into her silver years. "This work keeps me mentally stimulated. It gives me a deep sense of purpose and fulfilment in my life."

Madam Kartar prepares for each visit by packing parshad and vegetarian food from the Gurdwara. She goes the extra mile to celebrate every senior’s birthday, buying a small present for them, including getting them their preferred snack to brighten up their day and make it special.

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When asked what was the most fulfilling aspect of her role, she said, "When I see the residents' happiness and how they open up to me by sometimes holding my hand to share their sorrows, I feel privileged to listen and help ease their pain, to some extent."

Bereavement Support

Madam Kartar’s scope of work at SIWEC also involves supporting bereaved families when a loved one has passed on.

"It is always saddening to see a loved one leave their family behind, be it a young or older person. Many a time, it is challenging to deal with family members in their grief and still remain strong and composed to give them moral and emotional support. As the grieving family will feel perplexed when making tough decisions, we are present to assist them through the process.”

There are instances when Madam Kartar supported families and individuals through their final weeks and days in hospice-care. She recounted an instance three years back, when she assisted the family with body washing of a lady she used to visit in hospice.

She also recounted two cases of Sikh individuals without any family support, one male and one female, whom she had gotten to know from visits to the Sree Narayana Mission home in Yishun. She used to liaise with social workers and doctors there to gauge the individuals’ well-being and health conditions.

In both instances, SIWEC made all the arrangements for their funerals, getting volunteers to assist with body washing, driving the hearse, seeing through the ashes collection and dispersal, as well as coordinating prayers at the Gurdwara. In such cases, SIWEC staff and volunteers attend the 3-day Akhand Path prayers at the Gurdwara on rotation, culminating with a simple yet dignified Bhog ceremony.

Madam Kartar reflects on how her work at SIWEC over the past few years has impacted her outlook on life. “Death is inevitable. Nothing belongs to me. Live every moment, fulfil my dreams and wishes as much as possible within my means, as there may be no time later. Humility is divine. My prayer and faith have become stronger. I thank Waheguru for each new day.”

Befriending in COVID-19 Times

Before COVID-19 circuit breaker (CB) measures were imposed nation-wide in March, Madam Kartar was still able to schedule visits with home-care residents, with authorisation from each facility’s administrators. Visitors were still allowed then after adhering to strict conditions, such as registering contact information, taking temperature, and including donning of protective gloves, masks and disposable medical gowns.

After CB measures were introduced and visits put to a stop, Madam Kartar continued to remotely contact the social workers or nurses to enquire into her clients’ well-being. In some instances, she got the opportunity to speak with them briefly over the phone.

Conversations with the 13 clients living in their own homes were still maintained via mobile phones and landline contact.

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During this time and depending on each situation, if there are any cases requiring specific help, Madam Kartar links them up with the necessary support, such as home care or medicines.

Madam Kartar feels it is important for her to continue to connect regularly as some of her clients have experienced negative emotions after being cooped up at home. Additionally, the lack of social and emotional support takes a toll on some more than others.

To mitigate such situations, Madam Kartar continues to patiently devote more phone time to allow her clients to share their feelings. She recognises, “All human beings need to feel heard. They need to feel their burdens made a bit lighter.”

“All human beings need to feel heard."

“Some of my clients share a good rapport with their neighbours so I encourage communicating often while practicing social distancing.”

Before ending each conversation, she assures clients that she can be reached at any time they feel low. “They do call me on their own accord, when they need a listening ear. Actually, attending to their calls during this time as I work from home is a win-win situation as I too will feel less bored.”

When asked on how she has grown and what she cherishes most from this experience through the years with SIWEC, she said, "I have grown wiser and learned that I must always take care of myself first, be it physically or financially. Most importantly, to always stay positive and continue to have faith through all my sad predicaments and good times.”

When asked what she would like to share with the community at large, Madam Kartar stated, "It saddens me that in this day and age, where technology allows everyone to be quite easily connected, some seniors remain lonely, depressed and forgotten by their family and friends.